Ah, parenthood. When the wee creatures first make their entrance into the world, everyone surrounds the parents with well-wishes, fluffy bunnies and cool babyphernalia.
But once the tiny cries turn into the screams and antics of an out-of-control teen, the once-understanding world seems to shut its doors on overwhelmed parents.
When society has thrown its hands up and walked away from a family with a difficult teen — but ideally before it gets to that stage — parents in Calgary have a place where they can meet and learn new coping strategies. For more than 25 years, the Parent Support Association (PSA) has offered parenting peer groups and has helped to create stronger relationships for thousands of Calgary families.
“I really believe in families, kids and youth,” says PSA executive director Joan Bever. “Parenting is a job people really need to take seriously and it requires a lot of attention.”
The group helps parents who are at a loss begin to come up with strategies for change, and learn how to implement them at home. The PSA asks parents to come to the organization prepared with a list of parenting issues. For some parents, attending a one-evening session is enough to turn things around at home, but many go on to attend weekly or monthly peer support groups.
Groups are lead by PSA-trained volunteer parent peers, all of whom have “been there, done that” and have refused to give up on their teens.
“Parents are great resources,” says Bever. “When they’re in a troubled situation, they are seeking out resources. They are a great source of knowledge to one another.
“Often you can’t help yourself, but can help someone else in the group . . . to parents I say, ‘You do have the resources within yourself to improve the situation, with the help of others.’”
Parents also learn who should take responsibility for behaviours and actions in the home, and hopefully take away one key notion: just being a friend to their teen ain’t gonna cut it. Parents need to support each other to be parents first.
“We need to be engaging our kids in healthy communication — not being their friend,” says Bever. “They are not your buddy; you have to be the leader in the family.
“Someone needs to be leading the house, and it can’t be the kids.”
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