Step 1: Assemble a group of friends. Find a sunny patio. Settle in.
Step 2: Order and consume several beers of the light-drinking lager variety (avoid hearty stouts that fill your stomach and make you want to take a nap).
Step 3: Consume lagers until you are inclined to order a deep-fried, salty snack. Request menu.
Step 4: Focus eyes and scan menu, exclaim aloud if “prairie oysters” appear.
Step 5: Suggest ordering the euphemistically named deep-fried bull testicles. When your friends taunt you with lacking the fortitude to consume this Stampede-season staple, reply that perhaps they would care to make it interesting.
Step 6: Inform server that you would like the prairie oysters – and another round of beers.
Step 7: When the dish arrives, squint so as to create an illusion that the oysters are just large corn fritters. Repeat this in your mind in the manner of a mantra, which will block out the “mooing” sounds by your jerk friends.
Step 8: Pick up the oyster with your fingers – foregoing the use of utensils will avoid discovering any textural qualities that would render it unsavoury.
Step 9: Cram it in your mouth in the aggressive, competitive-eating-influenced manner of the proverbial hefty child on a Cheeto.
Step 10: Chase with beer. Accept and flaunt $20 bill.