Feeling lonely. We’ve all been there at one time or another — after a move, a breakup or losing a loved one. Maybe it’s the time of year; loneliness often rears its gloomy head during the holidays. And, heck, sometimes we feel lonely just because.
But loneliness seems to be a more common affliction in recent years. Loneliness has become such a serious concern that the World Health Organization created a commission in 2023 to reduce social isolation and loneliness, focusing on social connection as a public-health priority.
In Canada, it is enough of a national concern that Statistics Canada started asking about it in 2021. In the last quarter of 2024, StatsCan reported more than one in 10 Canadians aged 15 years and older (13.4 per cent) said that they always or often feel lonely, and nearly 40 per cent said they sometimes feel lonely.
That’s more than half of Canadians feeling lonely at least some of the time. While the COVID-19 pandemic magnified and exacerbated the problem, particularly among older adults and teenagers, a 2019 Angus Reid Institute poll from before the pandemic already reported a third of Canadians feeling lonely or “desolate.”
But given Calgary is consistently lauded for being friendly and liveable, is loneliness plaguing The Blue Sky City? Unfortunately, yes.
Calgary Foundation’s 2024 Quality-of-Life Report found that two out of 10 Calgarians feel lonely often or always — higher than the national average. Similarly, United Way reports that one in five Calgarians say they don’t feel a sense of belonging, which can lead to loneliness.
David Kirby*, clinical services manager at Distress Centre Calgary, confirms that loneliness is an issue the centre hears about more frequently.
“Loneliness is typically in our top five presenting issues in our crisis counselling program,” he says. “During the COVID-19 lockdowns, loneliness rose to the top. It has since stayed consistently in our top issues.”
Mr. Lonely
When Thomas Ambrozaitis moved to Calgary from Toronto two years ago, he didn’t anticipate being lonely.
The 42-year-old ventured west because he enjoys the outdoors and wanted to be close to the mountains. In a bid to meet new friends and potentially a “mountain wife,” he joined hiking groups.
“My strategy was to go to the places for people with similar interests, so I joined a Facebook hiking group,” he says.
He was aware that it’s tougher to make friends as an adult, but he didn’t expect it to be as hard as it has been.
“I met a lot of people but I never really met my people. I am a bit of a hippie, and I knew that coming into Calgary — that this wasn’t the ‘hippiest’ place. I’ve done a lot of meetups, but it’s been a lonely two years. It’s been pretty challenging for my mental health and emotional well-being,” he says.
Loneliness is a distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections. Loneliness differs from social isolation — a state of having limited social contacts and few people to interact with regularly — because of the sense of distress. Essentially, if you’re alone but not upset about it, you might be socially isolated, but if you’re distressed about your feelings of being alone, that’s loneliness.
Social isolation can increase the risk of loneliness, but not everyone who is isolated feels lonely, and not everyone who feels lonely is socially isolated. Your perception of the quality of your relationships and connections determines whether you feel lonely or not.
“You can have social contact, but if you’re not having the level of connection that you’re hoping for, you can feel isolated or lonely in those relationships,” says Sarah Rosenfeld, associate director of counselling services for the Calgary Counselling Centre. “It’s about the authenticity of a relationship and feeling really seen and heard by that other person. It can also be that people are trying to reach out to you, but if you’re not able to understand that or observe that behaviour as caring, you’re also going to feel lonely.”
The New Smoking
Loneliness is more than a bad feeling; it’s actually a health hazard. Loneliness is often regarded as somewhat trivial, but it can do real harm.
“The health impacts of loneliness are believed to be on par with the impacts of high blood pressure, lack of exercise, obesity or smoking,” says Kirby. “Loneliness is a very big social problem with serious implications for public health.”
According to the 2023 U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory entitled, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, loneliness is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety and premature death. In fact, the mortality impact of being lonely is similar to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and greater than the health risk associated with obesity and physical inactivity.
The advisory goes on to discuss how social connection is a critical, yet underappreciated, contributor to individual and population health, community safety, resilience and prosperity. Persistent loneliness is linked to poorer mental health outcomes — people with poor mental health are often more socially isolated and lonely, and loneliness can spur both mental and physical health concerns.
A lack of social connection can have significant economic costs, as well. Social isolation among older adults contributes to increased health-care costs, and loneliness and isolation are associated with lower academic achievement and lower work performance.
“We talk a lot about anxiety, depression and other mental health issues, but we don’t have a lot of information about how to manage [loneliness],” says Rosenfeld. “People think that they have to navigate it themselves, or it’s only them dealing with it. Or that they should just get over it.”
Adds Ambrozaitis: “Loneliness almost has this heavy stigma. I felt shame talking about it.”
Social connection has always been a fundamental human need, as essential to survival as food, water and shelter. In fact, long ago, not being part of a group greatly reduced your chances of survival. Loneliness could be an evolutionary response that indicates something is wrong with your social situation and it needs addressing.
Nowadays, we’re able to survive without engaging with others — all of our basic needs can be met with a click and often with “contactless” delivery — but our inherent need to connect remains.
“Because we’re interdependent, we need connection as human beings,” says Rosenfeld. “We need other people in order to personally grow. We get validation from other people. Social connection and integration gives us a sense of identity and inclusion. When you’re feeling lonely, you’re not getting those things. And the impacts of loneliness are really profound. It can feel like the world is empty. You can feel desperate, invisible, like you don’t belong. It hurts.”
The Lonely City
In Calgary, like in most big cities, people move house frequently, commute for school and work, and often live alone. Calgary also has an increasing cost of living. All of these factors can contribute to loneliness.
Low income, in particular, increases the consequences and likelihood of loneliness. According to a Community Food Centres Canada report, lower-income Canadians across age groups feel a lower sense of belonging and experience more isolation and exclusion than higher-income people. Financial struggles limit the ability to go out socially, to grab a bite with others or join in activities, not to mention the isolating stigma attached to not having money. If you have to commute for work, and work multiple jobs to make ends meet, you simply don’t have time to connect with friends or family, or even chat with neighbours. That’s why groups like Vibrant Communities Calgary advocate for tackling poverty through adequate wages, housing and transit as a means to help fight loneliness and build stronger communities.
People often move to bigger cities for new work or school opportunities, but then find themselves without social opportunities. Ambrozaitis found his few closer friends in Calgary are like him — new to the city and without real connections here. In the first hiking group that he led, he was the only person who wasn’t a newcomer to Canada. Everyone else was even less connected to Calgary than him.
As a registered social worker working as a counsellor at Student Wellness Services at the University of Calgary, Ambrozaitis also finds this experience echoed on campus. Students often tell him about their social disconnection. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say Calgary is just not a friendly city. But I have a lot of students who say that their university experience is not as social as they expected,” he says.
Technology is a Double-Edged Sword
People working from home leave their homes less frequently, and have less face time with colleagues. That also means fewer IRL interactions with friends and neighbours, such as grabbing a coffee, commuting together or picking up dinner on the way home.
“We’re in the most digitally interconnected society we’ve ever been in, and yet we see rates of loneliness going up,” says Ambrozaitis.
Technology can foster connection by making it easier to stay in touch with friends and family, providing more access for social participation and creating opportunities to find community. But technology can also displace in-person engagement, monopolize our attention and reduce the quality of face-to-face interactions, which can lead to greater loneliness. Think how often you’ve missed what someone has said or had an unsatisfying conversation because of a distracting text. At too many gatherings, people are looking at a screen instead of talking with one another.
Rosenfeld agrees. “While I think that [technology is] important and gives people a sense of community, it’s different from face-to-face interactions because there’s actually more good feelings and release of oxytocin [a natural hormone related to social bonding and warm fuzzies] during face-to-face interactions,” she says. “So being with people and connecting to them, it’s not the same as having that interaction online.”
Facing Loneliness Together
Inspired by his personal struggle with loneliness, Ambrozaitis began hosting monthly “speed-friending” events at UCalgary in an effort to help others. Speed-friending facilitates a safer space for social interactions to happen. It gives formal, structured permission to interact.
“[Participants] know that everybody in the room wants to make a friend, so they can drop the detective work around that,” Ambrozaitis says. “People are starved for this. They just want to connect.”
The events also include social courage workshops to help equip students with the skills to socially connect.
“We think it’s almost a guarantee we’re going to get rejected, whereas our odds of making a connection are really much better than we think,” he notes.
Such negative assumptions lead people to think rejection is inevitable and devastating, so they opt not to take the risk. Like anything worth having, connecting with others requires effort that can be difficult.
“Some people assume that it’s better and easier to avoid others and commit to being alone,” says Kirby. He recommends accessing community programs and online resources to share interests and interact with others. Kirby also emphasizes prioritizing self-care and exercise to help manage difficult feelings like loneliness.
Rosenfeld suggests using strategies like focusing on your breathing to help ground yourself in distressing social situations so that you can connect with other people. She also advocates for volunteering as a counterbalance to loneliness.
“Altruism and volunteering helps people with their perception of themselves and their relationship to loneliness,” she says. Plus, volunteering is a great way to meet people. And, if you think someone is struggling with loneliness, reach out.
“People won’t necessarily say they’re lonely or ask for help,” says Rosenfeld. “It’s just about creating space and saying, ‘I’m doing this today and I thought you’d like to join.’ You don’t have to make it about the loneliness.”
It’s Okay to Feel Lonely (Sometimes)
We’re all human and we get the feels, including loneliness.
“Acknowledging that you are lonely and normalizing that it happens is part of the human condition,” says Rosenfeld. “Know that these feelings are okay from time to time, but also remember that you have agency and an ability to do something about it. You might be having some negative thoughts. You can challenge those.”
Loneliness is a continuum, not a dichotomy. It’s not that someone is lonely or not, but rather, that we all experience degrees of loneliness. Transient feelings of loneliness tend to be less worrisome, and can even prompt us to reconnect socially. But chronic loneliness represents a significant health concern.
“Loneliness becomes problematic when our experience of it becomes chronic. Over time, it can reduce our motivation to reach out for support,” says Kirby. “The more chronic and long-standing the experience of loneliness, the more likely we are to forget how to read social signals and activate our social skills.”
Ambrozaitis recognized that his prolonged loneliness was causing him harm. “I was struggling with the start of a mild depression and knew that, if the loneliness continued, I would likely slip into a worse depression that would spiral downward. My emotional distress was the kick in the butt that said, ‘Hey, get on this.’”
As a mental health therapist, he knew he had to take responsibility for managing his emotions by changing his circumstances. “I couldn’t magically make myself feel less lonely or less depressed, [but]I could change what I was doing and go from isolating/avoiding towards engaging and seeking out others,” he says. “I had to accept that it’s okay to feel lonely. Sometimes, what really exacerbates the suffering is our non-acceptance of the feeling. If you try to push it away or force it down or say we shouldn’t have that feeling, all that happens is that feeling is intensified.”
Making a connection doesn’t require a grand gesture. It can be asking a co-worker to get a midday coffee or go for a walk. Or giving a friend or family member a call. Or showing up to an event you’re interested in and striking up a conversation with another attendee. Even if you’re not feeling lonely, making it a habit to reach out to others helps ensure that you’re less likely to start feeling lonesome. In doing so, you’re also supporting others who may be struggling.
For Ambrozaitis, it was the seemingly small acts of a co-worker discovering his single status and Ambrozaitis sharing he was lonely that would change the course of his loneliness. Through this co-worker, he has met his “future mountain wife.”
“It was because I opened up and let people know where I was at,” he says. “I talked about my loneliness and that acknowledgement was key, but also having courage to face it.” Things are looking up for Ambrozaitis, but that doesn’t mean he never feels lonely anymore. He’s still looking for close friendships, and he knows it’s worth the effort.
Kirby notes that effort includes recognizing the value of relationships. “We have to constantly stretch in the direction of connection with others, and trust the value and benefits of those connections,” Kirby says. “As a society, we need to promote the importance of family, friendships and nurturing a broader sense of community.”
Ultimately, hanging onto hope and the belief that social connections matter makes all the difference. You are not alone — cliché, but true — and you have to keep putting yourself out there.
“If nothing else, knowing that so many people are lonely, I hope it encourages people to reach out to each other,” says Ambrozaitis. “If I’m lonely, probably another person is, too. Just take a chance.”
*David Kirby passed away on September 5, 2025. We are grateful for his invaluable insights to this story. We send our condolences to his family and friends.
Local Programs to Overcome Loneliness
Speed-friending and social-courage events for UCalgary students are hosted by Student Wellness Services. ucalgary.ca/wellness-services
Launched by the Calgary Catholic Immigration Society, the Calgary Seniors Ethnocultural Network aims to give lonely immigrant seniors a sense of community. Seniors who came to Canada as adults and long-term immigrants are at a higher risk of loneliness than Canadian-born seniors, according to Statistics Canada. ccisab.ca
Carya offers counselling and the Elder Friendly Communities program to help older adults combat loneliness. caryacalgary.ca
Calgary Public Library’s Wellness Desk offers free mental health support and referrals to services with a Wood’s Homes mental health professional. Call 403-299-9699 between 8 a.m. to 11 p.m., or text 587-315-5000 from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.
Text or call for support from the Calgary Distress Centre at 403-266-4357, or register for no-barrier counselling at the Calgary Counselling Centre at onlineintake.calgarycounselling.com.
Call 211 for help navigating available mental health resources.
This story was created with the support of the Avenue Community Story Development Fund. The Fund supports the creation of local reporting on issues such as intimate-partner violence, mental health and addiction, the housing crisis, and more. Thank you to our partners, including reader donors. To find out more, or contribute, visit AvenueCalgary.com/StoryFund.
