
Does it really matter which fork you use with your fish course versus your salad course in 2024? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean proper etiquette doesn’t have a place at contemporary parties. Arminé Tatosian, the etiquette expert known as Ms. Modern Manners, says that, while attending a fancy party shouldn’t feel like walking into a time warp of formality, rules of decorum exist to ensure everyone feels comfortable.
“Etiquette can elevate any gathering, transforming it from a mere meal into a memorable event,” Tatosian says. “It encourages mindful interactions, where everyone is considerate of others’ feelings and needs. This level of consideration can lead to deeper connections and a more enjoyable time for all.”
If you look at etiquette protocol as a social contract to make everyone feel more comfortable, the “rules” suddenly don’t feel so stuffy. Tatosian says party etiquette is a two-way street. Hosts should set expectations with timely and detailed invitations (that include dress codes) and a clean home, making sure to greet guests warmly and introduce them to each other upon arrival. Guests should RSVP promptly, bring an appropriate host gift, be mindful of house rules pertaining to the wearing of shoes, and moderate their food and alcohol consumption. Both parties should express gratitude, with guests sending a thank you note — text or email will suffice, but a written note is better.
Tatosian says many rules, such as gender-specific etiquette and addressing others with an honorific, are indeed outdated. But modern times call for modern etiquette: 21st-century hosting means asking guests about their dietary restrictions in advance, labelling foods that may contain allergens, observing privacy requests around social media posting, keeping phones in one’s pocket during dinner and using inclusive language.
“Basic manners are still important,” Tatosian says. “But they are more flexible in modern settings.”